Dirty Laundry

This isn't really about dirty laundry.  Just about laundry mostly. 

Well, specifically, underwear.

Clean underwear.

Because of the constantly changing size and shape of my body, I decided the other day that it was time to go on an adventure to find some new drawers.  Vic.toria's Secret isn't really cutting it anymore.  Well, actually, cutting into my skin is more like it. 

So, I hit up T.arget to find some new underpants.  My requirements were to find something in either black or nude colors, preferably a hipster-type short deal.  I didn't think this would be too much of a challenge.

Before I got pregnant, I was a healthy size 10.  Currently, although I haven't gained much weight (thank you, carrot sticks), I am wavering somewhere between a 12 and almost a 14.  Not too bad.  I am pretty sure it has more to do with my lack of proper exercise lately anyway. 

I didn't expect Tar.get to have my ideal underwear, I just wanted something to try out, maybe buy one or two pairs to see if I liked them.  Well.  The choices were so overwhelming.  I must have inspected every pair that was reasonably close to my requirements.  I finally settled on Han.es something or other.  A two-pack, with a nude color and black.  It was advertised as hipster briefs, they didn't have any seams, and were supposedly incredibly stretchy.  They were sized 8/9, which somehow reflected actual 12/14 sizing on a normal person.  Some kind of remarkable 360-degree stretch.  I hope so, because I bought them, took them home and washed them (of course), and this is what I pulled out of the laundry basket:

Yes.  I found the $5 in the laundry too.  Bonus!  I took a picture of both, so you have some idea of the scale.  I picked the drawers out of the laundry basket and started in shock.  These were the smallest underwear I have ever seen (They were also just as small when I pulled them out of the package before laundering).  I think I had Underoos this size, a hundred years ago.  They still seemed pretty stretchy...but I was thinking that getting these over my growing rear end would be some kind of miracle of physics.  I folded them, and put them away.

This morning, I decided to give the Miracle Underwear a try. 

360-degree stretch is NO MIRACLE my friends.  They were tight and tiny, as you would anticipate.  Total Underwear FAIL on my part.  I need to go to an actual shopping mall and research this further. 

Until then, please pardon my wedgie.