Still There?

I am over this space.

So, that happened...

That is all, thank you. :)

Things My Husband Says: Olympic Edition

Sorry I haven't been around like I promised. The Olympics happened, and I've been glued to the tv and all forms of social media trying to keep up.

Scene: watching women's gymnastics this evening. There is a Russian gymnast on the beam.

The Hubs: Are we watching the Russians?

KP: Yes.

The Hubs: Did you see that? She fell off the mat.

KP: Yes.

The Hubs: Man. Those Russians must have been out drinking last night. (Yelling at the tv) Lay off the vodka, Russians!

Ughhhh

You know it's a Monday when your hair dryer breaks and you forget to wear deodorant. Also, when one of your staff gets in a car accident on the way to work (she is okay), and you find out another is quitting (not as a result of the aforementioned lack of deodorant). You're still hungover from your weekend with Shannon (good news: I no longer want to die, but I am pretty sure I could sleep the first half of this week away). And you know your house is a disaster and you have nothing planned for dinner, and you don't really give a crap. Because I don't.

But, it was a super fab weekend hanging out with Shannon, getting the chance to have a nice long chat with Bethany (also, I want to kiss whoever invented FaceTime). And, an awesome shout out to The Hubs, for putting up with me, and keeping N happy and fed.

More later, but in the meantime, go look at my Instagram photos on the Twitters, and I am going to try to struggle through the day. Ugh.

Thursday Brain Dump

Helllllloooo, Thursday.  Now that you're here, can you please hurry up and end, because I am over this weekday-work thing. Ok. Thanks. 

Now for some of the things that have been occupying the space between my ears lately:

Kate Spade: I love you. I love your designs with everything in my heart. But your mesh pumps? I can't get behind this. In theory, totes cute. But I don't understand a mesh pump or sling back. If you want breath-ability in your feet, why not just wear sandals? Or a cute wedge or espadrille? Peep toes? Not mesh. Gross.  File also under: It is no longer the 80's.

I need some help. My child does not sleep. Or care for any kind of discipline. I have spent one too many nights with a toddler bouncing off the walls at MIDNIGHT. Like a GREMLIN. And I feel like We have tried everything. No sugar, no chocolate. One nap a day, no nap time after noon, everything. Looks like Little Miss doesn't care for sleep at a reasonable hour (bed time is between 7 and 8, then it's hours of struggling and putting her back in the crib). She also doesn't care for being disciplined when hitting, throwing something, climbing somewhere dangerous or being a general pill.  She is typically pretty decently behaved. But when she doesn't, she throws tantrums, and I am not sure how to handle that situation. Plus, I think I am tired and inadequately prepared with how to deal with that.

I want a new haircut. But I dont' actually WANT to have my hair cut. Advice on how to handle that one? Also, I am a lazy horrible hair styler person. So look, it's in a ponytail. Shocker.

I am in a food rut. My preferred dining options lately have included sliced fruit and cereal. Every meal is breakfast. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Oh, and hard boiled eggs. I can't get enough of them. But who has time to cook them, then wait for them to cool? Not this girl.

Also, I am not pregnant. Cravings for cereal and eggs are completely random.

The Hubs called MIL to see how she was doing with her back injury. She blamed him for the whole thing. As in "if I weren't rushing to see you, this never would have happened."  First of all, if she were coming to spend the day with us, wouldn't you imagine she would take her bath before noon? Secondly, I no longer feel bad for her or her injury after she said that to my husband. What a selfish nitwit. He deserves a much better family. Like mine.

Speaking of mine, someone on all of my family's mind today:  Uncle George. Funniest. Man. You. Ever. Met. Hilarious.  Miss you!

Anything on your mind you want to brain dump today?

What Up, Blog Peeps?

OMG OMG OMG OMG...

Go look what Shannon and Kate are stirring up! It's another Always Bloggy Meetup!  But this time in Boston. Wicked awesome.  I am so excited about this, ya'll. I really hope I was the first one to respond to your email request for interest. Do I win a prize if I am? I better...

Anyway, what is more fun than some freaking awesome blog-turned-real-friends hanging out together in a city as super fun as Boston?

ONE OF THOSE BLOGGY FRIENDS COMING TO VISIT ME THIS WEEKEND, THAT'S WHAT.

(Sorry, caps problem)

For reals. Shannon is coming to hang out with me in my hood, yo. Aside from drunken hijinks, what can I take her to do in the RVA area? Anyone got any ideas for me? All my activities of late have been geared towards pleasing people who are three feet or shorter, and I don't think Shannon falls in that category. So if you can think of something for me to show her, or if you are out of town and there is something in RIC that you are just DYING TO SEE (why don't you come visit me?!?!) Holla at a girl.

Best Day Ever

I was going to blog about how my in-laws visited today. But by some miracle of miracles, they called and cancelled. MIL threw out her back, and we got the call around 1 pm that they wouldn't be gracing us with their presence. Or presents. Which we were fine with.

The Hubs and I were able to spend lots of quality time together as a family, and I even got some household things done. Like a portrait wall. I am nothing if not keeping up with current home decorating trends. Even if I am ages late to that party.

Even more exciting is the prospect of beers and a movie with The Hubs tonight, pending on toddler bedtime and no more toy injuries (me, not Her).

Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!!

For All You Loyals

So, last Sunday, I had to visit Crazytown. And I know this is the update you have been looking for. And I always give the people what they want. So here's my weekend recap, as emailed to a friend.

Ugh. THey were horrible. We waited for an hour for MIL and SIL to arrive, when they finally did, they were comparing N to their parrot (because she really understands things now). OMG. These assholes have the mental capacity of a parrot.

Now that I am spending more time on the floor with N, I am seeing for the first time how so very disgusting the whole place is. It's awful. SO. Gross.

The spent a great deal of time not actually conversing with us, which was awesome, because, you know we were there to visit with them and all. We planned to leave at 4:30 and actually got out of there at 6, which is better than usual.

Andy made crab cakes and shrimp, both of which were cooked awfully - crab cakes tasted like he dropped the salt shaker in them, and the shrimp was cooked beyond rubbery recognition. Ew, ew ew ew. Also, something is F-ed up with FIL's teeth, he only has like three left on the bottom part of his mouth. I think that might have been enough to make The Hubs veer away from the smoking. Seriously disgusting.

Then they continued to insult us the usual way, MIL yelling at The Hubs telling him he knows nothing about real estate (he is a Realtor by profession), which is just upsetting, because he works so hard, and just wants their approval (and their acknowledgement that he is an adult). They didn't ask about us, or our jobs or anything really, and went on and on about how tragic their lives were because they were without power for so long. SIL talked to me the whole time about how she was an outcast in kindergarten and how N should have frriends so she doesn't suffer the same fate (except, N has the bonus of already not being a fucking weirdo). The Hubs dad didn't say three words to me. He is a condescending prick, so mostly I stayed out of his way and didn't say anything to him. Plus, The Hubs mentioned that he thinks his dad is so embarrassed by MIL and SIL he just spends time away from them at all possible, so while The Hubs was off seeking his fathers approval (futile), I was stuck with Dumb and Dumber and their stupid ass comments. Except for the several instances where they just kind of left N and I playing, and no one was visiting with us. Stupid.



I showed you the picture with the world's oldest soda. WHich was gross, by the way. But seriously - you have a 2 year old coming to visit you. Buy some juice. Buy something. For real. Why wouldn't you be a little prepared? Also, they don't let Naomi touch ANYTHING in that disgusting hell hole. SIL and MIL kept telling her not to do this, don't touch that, and trying to sway her with old disgusting and broken toys from The Hubs' (obviously superb) childhood. SHe's a kid! Of course she doesn't want that shit. She wants to play with everything else. If you know a 2 year old is coming over, prepare a little. Move some of the breakable shit out of the way. For real. These people. I swear.

Other bad news: The Hubs invited his parents over here this weekend, since it is looking like there is no other time this summer we will be able to see them. Twice in one week. I hate my life.

Hello Again.

I figured the best way to get back into this is to just start. So I am overcoming that hurdle with this incredibly lame ass post. I even got a smarter phone so I can post more. I hope.

I will try my best call catch you up on what I've been up to in my absence, but I can assure its pretty much uneventful. I hope I still have a follower or two, and I promise to up my game (big time) from here on out.

So here's to getting over the hurdle of starting again. I know you're all thrilled to hear the incredibly riveting stories I have to tell :)

Turning Over a New Leaf

Soooo, I just put on my workout clothes. My sports bra literally had dust on it. It's time to go to the gym.

Things My Husband Says

While trying to put our one Tacky Christmas Lighted Item on the roof:

Me: But I don't want to climb on the roof. Besides, one of us has to stay alive!

Him: Sometimes for a Christmas Miracle, you have to make sacrifices.

Sad Trombone

I think my next door neighbors are getting divorced. Actually, I am fairly positive they are getting divorced. She no longer wears a wedding ring, and she has purchased a new, separate house on her own, without him. They have three little children together, who are mostly well adjusted and lively kids. They seem to be doing okay financially, and only recently, have the Hubs and I noticed some random shouting and comments from each party, perhaps in the street, and a moving van in the drive way.

 

Is it just me? Or does news like this seriously make you depressed?

 

I mean, we never had any reason to think that they were less than happy, and all outward appearances would indicate that was so. We are neighborly, but not that close to this couple.  Part of me is DYING to ask what happened. Not because I am trying to be nosy or a gossip or anything like that. But because I want to know if it was something unforgivable, another man, another woman, some other kind of horrible tragedy that would rip this family apart. At the same time, I also don't want to know. I don't know if I can bear hearing that two people fell so out of love that it just wasn't working anymore. That breaks my heart, and makes me a little afraid. I can't imagine something like that ever happening to my own marriage, but the fact alone that it happens scares me.

 

Obviously it happens more than I am personally aware of, I mean, the divorce rate in this country is somewhere around ridiculous. But I guess I am just a little bit in shock that two people that appear to be so close and together, and especially with little kids (even though I know that staying together for the kids is a whole separate trip to the therapists office) are really not that close and together, and can't stand to be with each other anymore.

 

It makes me think, and makes me thankful that I don't have that problem. That WE don't have that problem. Or problems, whatever the case may be. I know everyone is entitled to be happy, and I really hope that this move makes each of them happy in their own right. And we have no idea what is going on and has happened behind the scenes. I am so grateful to have a husband who I am so in tune with, who is so in tune with me, and neither of us would ever want this for our future.

 

Ok, now you can go throw up. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I was going to talk about Thanksgiving

I was going to report in on another wonderful weekend, but I just recieved the two following emails from my sister-in-law concerning things (used toys) they gifted us last night as we were leaving. Just another reason not to drink and give shit away:

 

Dear KP,
   I wasn't supposed to give you that Sanrio bag last night. Mom got upset with me. She was saving them for the next grandchildren since N is too old for them. Sorry to get to get mixed up. I think most of them were rattles (but not the flower rattle - she liked that one) Please hold on to them for when we go see you this Christmas. Thanks a lot. :}    ~SIL    P.S.: Will THe Hubs make another of those N calenders? I loved mine from last year. I put it on my door. I hope he does. We all enjoyed it! :}

 

(FYI, I made those calendars. I want to tell her that, but I don't want to write back)

 

 Hey again. Mom seems especially attached to the wooden rattle. May have been in the family for several generations. If you could just make sure it stays safe somewhere that would be very appreciated. Thanks again!  ~SIL           

 

 (FYI, I doubt the rattle is that old, it probably has gone to shit like everything else in their house)

 

SOOOOOOO, I guess the question now...(1) do I write back? (2) do I tell her to shut her face and it was a gift and I am not returning shit? (3) Do i ignore her emails and pretend to not know anything about them?  I am sure MIL has already called The Hubs and complained about all this already.

What Happens in Minnesota...

...gets posted on the internet.

I am motivated to NOT be the last of the four original Glitterati to post about my weekend away. But, I am. (Shocking). Deal with it.

This past weekend, I headed to Minneapolis, Minnesota, to surprise a very special lady with a totally classy bachelorette party.

(oh, Shan, BTdubs, I stole your pics. Thanks.)

That is Bethany. And she is wearing a super bronzy-gold glitter dress we forced her to purchase after we surprised her at the Radisson Plaza in Minneapolis and started drinking. Nellie, Shannon and I all pulled together to plan a super secret surprise event in under a week, and we actually pulled it off:

I cannot emphasize what a great time we had, and how wonderful it was to surprise B, who deserved the most special (and random) bachelorette party! Of course, if you read the other ladies accounts, you will get a much better account of the weekend than I can relay. The weekend was full of laughs, french fries, drinks, lies (only to keep the surprise and to ward off drunk suitors), perfect snowflakes (the only reason to return to Minneapolis), Target's flagship store (the only other reason to return), and celebrity look-a-likes (or, it could have been the drinks).

I know Bethany had a great time (she is a very expressive person, it was easy to tell), and I did too. It was so great to spend some time with these wonderful women, and even more amazing that we only met face-to-face a month ago. 

Thanks girls, for a great weekend. 

Just Another Friday Night

This is what I am watching (watch this, it will make you all warm and fuzzy):

This is what I am drinking (drink this, it will make you all warm and fuzzy):

THIS is what I am thinking (holy shit, you're gonna laugh your ass off):

Also, YOU'RE WELCOME.

Annnnd We're Back

Good news. I am still alive.

 

Even better news. The Hubs called Crazytown today to talk to his mother. And it was awesome.

 

First of all, her life is miserable, and she complained and complained. Poor MIL, boo hoo. Her teeth hurt. FIL is the same (which is bad enough). SIL is running out of her anti-psychotics. And they don't make them anymore (um, if they discontinue making a drug, should you still be taking it?)

 

Then she told The Hubs about a secret trip they have planned to come visit us. Their plan is to come down, and if we are not home, to drop off things on the porch and leave.

 

Then she told him about the best gift in the world that they are going to surprise us with. Guess what it is?

 

Give up?

 

It's a buckhead. Seriously. Somehow, FIL acquired a buckhead, antlers and all, and they don't want it. So they have a plan to surprise us with it. According to her, it is the Best Gift In the History of the World, and we should be Lucky to be in Possession of it, when that happens.

 

(I have nothing against hanging deer heads in my house, but the only available place for it would be the basement. Which has a low ceiling. Which means someone is going to lose an eye. And I am so not all about that.)

 

(How much do deer heads fetch on CraigsList?)

 

The best part? The Hubs told her that we won't be visiting for Thanksgiving, or The Officiall Holiday Also Known As MIL's Birthday. Of course, much guilt-tripping ensued. But neither him nor I have the time or energy for a trip there for a dysfunctional family holiday. Plus, with the wee princess?  It's too much. And we officially escaped.

 

The Hubs thinks he might have talked them out of a surprise visit, but I think that's a wait and see thing. In the meantime, we are planning the best escape route out the back door.

How I Was NOT Sold into White Slavery

You'll have to excuse me, I am still dragging from this weekend.

What was this weekend, you ask?

Just an AWESOME blog meet-up with some internet friends! I stayed up way past my bedtime, and I had a great time.  Take a couple internet strangers, put them together, add some wine, s'mores, Philly cheesesteaks, and unicorns, and you have a great time. 

I did say internet strangers. Which is why my grandmother was so thrilled when I came home, because I hadn't been murdered, eaten for dinner, or sold to individuals with a questionable moral background.

I had a great time meeting other girls, and being able to put the real face behind blogs I have been reading for a while. And best part was, everyone was a normal person, and no one was creepy.

It really was a lot of fun. We toured Philly, ate delicious food, drank wine, and hung out like we had been friends for the longest time.  Because we have been, in a totally strange, internet anonymous kind of way.

For whatever reason, I am having trouble explaining the magical time I had on this trip, so I will refer you to Bethany, Shannon and Kate. Their thoughts are a little more cohesive than mine.

Also, I stole a pic from Shannon so you can SEE the fun we are having. I didn't even bother taking my camera, because (1) I am a slacker, and (2) what was the point, when everyone else got great pictures.

PS, this is right after we all almost died of exposure to parking garage bodily fluids, and we are all in need of a tetanus shot.

Ugh.

There is a cricket.

SOMEWHERE IN MY HOUSE.

This is akin to dying a slow and painful death.

Chirp.

Chirp.

Chirp.

Chirp.

(Get it?)

Unpopular Opinions!

It's that time of the week again! Time to dish on your unpopular opinions so you can go into the weekend and not worry about those silly trivial things that bug you during the week.

 

This week, we have:

 

Bathrooms where you can see yourself in the mirror doing your business.  No one needs to see this. Not even yourself. Inappropriate, plus, you feel a little like a jackass tying to avoid your own eye contact in the bathroom.

 

Bringing your lunch. I do it, and I know it's cost effective. I just find that this idea of bringing my food is unpopular with me today. Probably because I know I have nothing delicious in my little brown bag.

 

Rainy Fridays. Rainy days should be reserved for Mondays. Fridays are supposed to be sunshiny and the outdoors beckoning to you to come play. I hate when my mood ends up matching the rainy Friday.

 

Speaking of Rainy Fridays, how about NOT owning wellies or boots or golashes for a Rainy Friday. I think that is not okay. I probably should get me some boots.

 

PHEW. That feels better to get some of those off my chest. Now I can look forward to a fabulous weekend, including a theme park (in the rain) and outlet shopping with Buttons (also likely in the rain!)

Because You Don't Have Enough To Do...

It's fall premier week on TV. JOY!  I mentioned a few months ago, the Hubs and I dropped cable to get off our butts and do something.

 

Which was awesome, until new TV came on.

 

Now I have a whole slew of new shows to follow.  Here are some of my top pics. Keep in mind that I am a total wimp and I can't usually make it up past 10, and we no longer have a TV in the bedroom, so staying up requires real commitment. So, again, here's my list (which I  hope to update with dates/times/networks soon):

 

New stuff:

"Two Broke Girls" - this spoke to me on several levels because (1) I am broke, (2) I am a girl, (3) I can't get enough of Kat Dennings and her witty banter, and (4) I was actually entertained. One girl is hardworking two jobs to keep her shit together, and one is a spoiled entitled bitch who is secretly funny. Both girls discover they have a soft spot for each other and team up with dream of opening a cupcake shop. I will watch this again.

 

"Up All Night" - I was very excited about this show, unfortunately, it comes on at the same time as "The Middle" (below), so I had to flip back and forth. I was happy with what I saw, Christina Applegate and Will Arnett are a young professional couple with a new baby. And miss being the fun couple. I can totally get on board with this one.

 

"Revenge" - I have to be honest. I didn't think I would enjoy this. I got hooked in the first 10 minutes, and stayed up ALL THE WAY UNTIL 11 O'CLOCK to watch the whole episode. That means I really was into it.  Emily Thorn, who has changed her name and identity (formerly Amanda Clarke) is hell bent on getting revenge against the people who framed her father. Bonus - it takes place in the Hamptons, with lots of chi-chi parties and fancy clothes, some with a nautical theme!

 

Old Faves:

 

"How I Met Your Mother" - Do I even need to explain how/why I love this show? Besides Jason Segal being my own personal celebrity crush, everything about this show is great.

 

"The Middle" - I have watched this show for a while. It's hilarious, and not unlike my own childhood. If you were middle-class, had both parents working, and had siblings, I think you will find this show hilarious.

 

"Modern Family" - The writing in this show is great. The characters are so relate able! I can't get enough Sofia -Veraga. That is the real reason I watch! DIABLO!

 

"Sons of Anarchy" - just file this one under "best show ever in the history of the world". I am pretty sure that if I wasn't a boring accountant, I would be a biker chick, not unlike Gemma Teller (aka, Peg Bundy, aka, Katy Segal) or Tara. Plus, there are so many hot biker dudes on this show. Plus, it's got  plot lines that are better than crack. I don't have cable, so I have to watch this on Amazon video, so please don't ruin this weeks episode for me!

 

Those are my favorites this week so far. I am a little excited about "Whitney" tonight, so I will report on that with my thoughts. What were some of your favorite new shows?

Unpopular Opinions

I used to follow this message board, and every week there was a day devoted to Unpopular Opinions. They were usually pretty bad, but the best part about that day was that no one could rag on you for your choice of opinion.

 

Newsflash, I have some unpopular opinions of my own. And now I am going to dump them on you, because I am in that sort of funk mood, even though it is a Friday afternoon.

 

I do not think Angelina Jolie is attractive.  At all. Like, I think she is hideous, and a little smutty looking. (sparked by the rumors today that Brad thought life was "boring" married to Jennifer Aniston. Is that not the biggest load of horsecrap you have ever heard? I would be first in line to be married to Jennifer Aniston if it were legal in my state and also if she was interested. I don't think we would be romantic, but more of a Monica/Rachel hetero-life partners thing.) (I think that last part is a much more popular than unpopular opinion).

 

I do not care for the boys name "Aiden". Or any other way you spell it. Sorry if that is your baby's name.

 

I have been getting about 8 hours of sleep the past few nights. It has been great, but there's so much shit that needs to be done. So, to recap, getting sleep = great, not getting anything done around the house = not great.

 

I have not taken down the decorations from N's birthday party. That was almost two weeks ago.

 

I am a horrible parent and took exactly ZERO pictures of my daughter's first birthday party. Desparately relying on family and friends to send links to the pictures they took.

 

I am in love with the FX show "Sons of Anarchy."  In fact, if I wasn't a boring accountant, I think I would persue the life of biker chick/old lady. True story.

 

So, that's what I have for right now.

 

What are some of your unpopular opinions? No judging here! :)