Oldie, but Goodie?

I was going through some old emails the other day, and I came across some emails to my friends about trips to my in-laws house for various holidays.  I will post them here for you now :) 

This particular story is Thanksgiving weekend 2008.

Some crucial information for you as you read through this.  My in-laws have two houses.  One where they actually live, and where the Hubs grew up.  The other home is about 10 or 15 minutes away, and is actually the home of my MIL's mother, the Hub's Grandmother.  She passed away about 15 or 20 years ago.  The family did not clean out the house or anything, it is still decorated, no improvements or anything from when the Grandmother lived there.  Kind of creepy.  In the 6 years I have been with the Hubs, I have never been to his actual house.  Only the Grandmother's house.  It's where the in-laws entertain, if you want to call it that. 

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming:

So. I am just going to get into it.

The Hubs and I were still fighting on Sunday morning. I said I wasn't going. He was all "surprised" that I wasn't going. Really!?! Anyway, we get in the car around 11 am, and start heading up there. I was all pissy, so I maintained a NO RADIO rule. I sat there with my arms all crossed and didn't say anything. Even threatened to get out on I-95 a few times. Whatever. We made up and we were friends again by the time we got there, thank goodness. We got there around 1-ish, and we stopped for McDonlads, since we knew it would be FOREVER since we would actually get to eat. So, by the time we got to his Grandmother's House, it was almost 2.

When we arrive, FIL is there cooking. MIL and SIL are still at home, doing whatever. So FIL calls them to see if they are ready. They say no. They call back and say, come in a few minutes. He barely gets away from the phone, and it rings again. They say, no, SIL is eating some cereal, come in little bit later. Hang up. Phone rigns again. SIL is now done with her cereal, and he can come get them now. So FIL grabs a tall boy Budweiser from the mini fridge, and gets in the car to go get them. Before he leaves, he instructs me (not the Hubs) to check the gravy, turn off the oven, etc. etc., Ok. Whatever. Oh, but before he left, he was showing us his model boats. He has two model boats, which are very nice and detailed, and he built them himself - they are in Plexiglas cases in the basement, whatever. We always talk about the damn boats. This time we were talking about the lights that he fashioned for them out of wood and LED bulbs. Ohhhhh. BFD.

Circus arrives. The dog is there (she weighs a whopping six pounds, and you would think this animal, which is only one of MANY, is the light of their lives.  I just think she's gross). She has a little rubber band in her hair (I just did a google search of a Japanese chin, and I can't even find one that looks like Dog - you're supposed to have them groomed, but I guess they don't do that - Dog has long long gross hair, and it covers her eyes, poor animal) anyway, the rubber band was pulling the hair back from her eyes, and it was pulled so tight that her forehead was stretched back, and you could see the whites of her eyes. Seriously. So I have to say hi and MIL gave me a lack luster hug, as usual (I always have to approach and give the hug, she never gives me the hug. Whatever). 

The Hubs had told his mother he was sick, which was why we were late (not that we were arguing), so she was all awwww, Hubs, what's wrong. I decided I had enough of the babying crap, so I was like, um, I feel his sickness is alcohol induced - and she was like awwww, blah blah blah....poor baby. This woman is a lunatic - and I am probably not doing her justice as i write this, but you have to believe me, she was so weird. So we chat blah blah blah. We're all standing around the bar area in the basement, as there is no other seating available. No joke - there is a bar with three stools, and one chair. It really isn't the most spectacular place to hang out. Anyway, we decide a good way to fill the void would be to have them open MIL's birthday presents. She opens them, but it takes her about 100 years. She's slow, and wants to talk, and it's almost as if she wants all the attention on her, but not completely on her? It's weird. I bought her a holiday sweater (white, with beaded snowflakes - this will be crucial later in the story), and light up reindeer ears and nose. She loved all the gifts, and put them all on - wore the sweater, the ears, and the nose. Told the Hubs how wonderful he was. The Hubs said KP picked out all the gifts. MIL proceeded to inform the Hubs of his wonderfulness. Blah blah blah. We show some pictures of our living room and track lighting. SIL mentioned she didn't "understand". Ignored this comment, as I wasn't sure what there was to "understand".

So FIL goes upstairs to finish cooking, we stand around the basement. MIL  brings out some wine. KP, do you want wine? No thank you (I try to nto drink too much around them, plus, I don't want to ever have to be put in the position that I might have to spend the night there) Doesn't matter, opens wine anyway. The Hubs brings me a glass. I try a sip, just because I am a little curious. It's bad. The wine has officially gone bad. I pour it into the bar sink. The Hubs laughs. She also has this ice bucket she's carrying around. She asks the Hubs to fill it, as there is a bag of ice out in the garage. Ok. He fills the ice bucket, and comes back in, places it on the bar. The outside of the ice bucket looked so dirty. I was pretty grossed out. I was even more grossed out when MIL, who has been manhandling Dog all day reaches into the ice bucket, picks up a piece of ice, looks at it with her grubby little fingers, and puts in back!!!! Then walks away. I looked into the ice bucket, and now I am at vomit level, seeing that is is disgusting inside, and it was probably never ever washed out. GROSS. Whatever. MIL brings out Indiana Jones (new one). Since there is nothing else to do, we watch the movie. Sitting on the fireplace mantle (it's raised off the ground) since there is no where else to sit. Ridiculous.

So she's like, here are some appetizers (read, Triscuts and CheeseWhiz). She goes to give us a can of peanuts, and she's like, oh, these have weevils in them, and walks away. There were f'ing BUGS in the SEALED can of peanuts. So grossed out. I can't get more grossed out at this point. So we go upstairs for dinner. We go sit down, all of us but MIL. We wait for MIL, and wait some more. FIL yells out for her. SIL yells out for her, Hubs yells out for her. She walks in the room, then walks out, complaining about wanting music for dinner. So she goes back downstairs. FIL gets up from the dining room and walks to the kitchen, complaining and screaming, and yells at MIL, "enjoy you're f*cking thanksgiving dinner!" And sits at the kitchen table and lights up. MIL get back up stairs with the CD she wants to play, and can't figure out how to work the CD player. Soon, you hear a yelp, and a crash. There is now red wine all over the kitchen, including brand new sweater. MIL is screaming at FIL at the top of her lungs. FIL is screaming back at MIL. Since the Hubs and SIL know this situation, they run damage control. Hubs starts to clean up, while SIL goes to get mom another beer (brilliant) and a new sweater. Hubs goes to take the trash out, so now it's me alone in the dining room, with FIL and MIL within eyesight and earshot with their screaming. I just sat there. Then FIL walks into the dining room and is like "SORRY" - but he said is as if he were yelling at me too. UGH. Talk about uncomfortable.

Eventually dinner progresses. THere is eating, but by this time all the gross food is cold. So we eat. FIL has apparently been saving wishbones from the past 100 turkeys, and placed one on each place setting (my plate was dirty too - plate was actually dirty, and there was dried food on it - also, they use the real silver, which hasn't been polished in a million years, so it's black and tarnished - didn't think I could get more grossed out, but yes.). So we have these wishbones. And everyone is just beginning to sit down, and Hubs asks what I am going to wish for, and I say (quietly and and just to him) - I wish we didn't have to come back at Christmas! And there is talking, some how, we get on the subject of politics. I hate politics, so after MIL asks about something political, I mention at my house, we have a moratorium on political discussions at the dinner table. Blah blah blah. She goes on and on, and tries to bring it up again. I casually mentioned that it was wonderful that so many more people were involved in the political process this year, and I was mostly excited about state and local elections (trying to get off the Red/Blue discussion). She goes on and on, basically telling me that I am a bad person and a bad American and an idiot for voting Barack into office. Now, a few things: (1) I voted McCain (2) I have already come to terms with the fact that Obama is our next president, and nothing can be done about that now (3) I should have sold out the Hubs - who voted Obama - to his racist idiot of a mother. I did quite enjoy kicking him under the table. So, after dinner, she's like, "oh, KP, we still like you, even if you voted for the wrong side and have stupid political ideologies" She didn't actually say ideologies, but something to that effect, I doubt she could have formed that sentence if she tried. I was FUMING.

So, Hubs and I decide it's time to leave, THANK GOD. we start to say the good byes, and MIL mentions she has a "care package". In it are vitamins - she reminds the Hubs, take your vitamins. I mention that Hubs does take vitamins, every day. She actually said this: WELL THESE VITAMINS ARE BETTER THAN YOUR VITAMINS - WTF? Seriously? I almost hit her. Hubs hugged and said goodbye, I had to hug her, since she actually backed away from me - Hubs actually saw that this time, thankfully, so now I know it's not just in my head....We go downstairs to say bye to his dad, and by this time, it's about 7 pm, it's a holiday weekend, we know it's gonna take us a good three hours to get home - and his dad's like, oh, you're leaving? I thought you were going to stay and watch the movie (yea, because we have nothing else to do today..) So we finally get out of there.

That's my story. I am trying to encourage Hubs to go there by him self and spend some time with his father. This trip was just too much for me. It really was. Ok, I may be a bitch. But seriously, the yelling? Thinking about writing MIL a letter telling her Hubs hearts Obama. Ugh. I have to start plotting about how to get out of Christmas.